The moment I accept
the reality of what is,
is the moment
Saturday morning, 4.30am. Jet lag kicks in and I’m not sleeping. I should sleep. I need to be refreshed. I’ve crossed an ocean for the annual tai chi workshop and I want to be rested, relaxed. So I worry about not sleeping.
Oh, the irony.
Every year that I attend this workshop I arrive with a suitcase of worries. Will it be too hot? Am I good enough at tai chi to be here? What if the travel plans go wrong? Did I do everything I needed to do before I left work, before I left home? What if I don’t feel well and miss some of the workshop? What if, what if.
And every year, I love it. I have the most amazing time. I learn, I reconnect with friends, I make new friends. I relax, deeply. I gain insights in my practice. Yes, sometimes it’s too hot, occasionally I’ve felt a bit under the weather, but I still have a great time.
4.30 am, Saturday morning. I must go back to sleep. I am anxiously awake.
Then a thought pops into my head. Should I really be asleep? Really? Is that true? No. I am awake. That is the reality.
What would happen if I just accepted that I’m awake? That it’s OK to be awake at 4.30 in the morning and it won’t ruin my whole week?
So I did. And suddenly I’m just lying awake, relaxed, in a comfortable bed. I just enjoy lying there in the darkness, listening to the first tentative notes of the foreign dawn chorus.
And all the other things I am worrying about just dissolve in the dawn.
There is such ease to be found in living life this way, accepting what is instead of fighting reality.
This is my new practice.
would we see
I joined a really interesting coach training course this week, all about releasing judgement.
I thought it would be a good one for me to do, because sometimes I can be very judgemental. The current political climate does not bring out the best in me!
It is so easy to slip into a judging mind-set, comfortable even. It means I don’t have to think, to put myself into another’s shoes, to feel the discomfort of acknowledging that maybe someone else’s opinions are just as valid as mine. To assume that I know why they say what they say, why they do what they do.
And then there are self-judgement, comparison, self-criticism. For as much as I judge other people I also judge myself, and my work.
Two things really struck me:
Instead of comparing myself with others, how about looking back at how I was at a point in the past, or how I would like to be in the future? So instead of looking at the blogger with thousands of followers and feeling discouraged, not good enough, I look back to a year ago when I had less than 10 followers and I realise how far I’ve come. Or I imagine a future where lots of people read my blog and I work out how to get to that point and then take the steps to get there.
Instead of thinking I know why something is as it is, I could be open and curious instead.
Ultimately, judging is just part of being human. I can just notice that I am doing it and let it go. Another one of those under the category ‘simple but not easy’!
What do you think? Do you have any tips for releasing judgement?