Running along the ground
Then uphill, through the air,
As if climbing an invisible flight of steps,
And then I am flying.
Soaring above buildings, trees,
Free.
Feeling the sensation in my whole body.
I wake, exhilarated.
I’ve had this dream only a handful of times in my life,
Always vivid,
Always when I’m on the brink of an adventure.
I think it’s time
To have it again.
I have been wondering where my next painting will come from,
When I’ll feel like picking up my brushes again.
I don’t force it,
Inspiration can come in waves, or drops,
It trickled through this weekend,
First, a glimpse of a dusty canvas,
A feeling that I’d like to play with paint on it,
But not knowing what the subject would be.
Then, brightening up breakfast, goldfinches on the bird feeder.
Later, out birding, I glimpsed a tawny owl, roosting in a tree.
I watched a kingfisher, blue and orange among ochre reeds,
It caught three silvery fish while I watched.
And then, through my binoculars, a close up of branches and yellow lichen,
Mossy greens, rich browns and an idea takes shape,
The perfect background on which to paint
Goldfinches.
Driving to work
Past fields and hedges and trees without leaves,
The distant fells of the Lake District,
A milky opalescent dawn sky,
And I feel so happy
And I think, if I could send a message
To my younger self
I would say
‘Relax
I know things don’t feel easy.
But it will all work out in the end.
Take it one step at a time, don’t worry so much.
Life still has its ups and downs,
But the view from here is worth it.’
Weather and circumstance have conspired recently to keep my walks short
but today I was out for hours.
And now I am weary, that lovely tiredness of the body;
heavy limbs and aching muscles
thankful for a day outside
in the sun and frost.
Mind relaxed, soul nourished
by the long views of the fells and the sea,
clear blue skies and the orange glow of bracken.
Lungs full of fresh air,
I’ll sleep well tonight.
This year, I want to spend more time in my body
And less time in my head.
Listening, relaxing, softening
Being here now,
In this present moment,
Breaking the habit of a lifetime.
–
Happy New Year.
☺
Pause in this moment
Between the out-breath and the in-breath
On the shortest day
And feel the seasons turning
When you open the office door in the morning to be greeted by beige and grey,
Dry warm air and the smell of computers
And yesterday’s lunches
And your heart sinks, shrivels and goes into hiding.
–
When your desk and the space around you is the smallest size it could legally be,
When you have no choice of whether or not you can sit by the window
And anyway the window might not even open,
And the view, if you have one, is the side of another office, or a road, or a block of flats.
–
When your senses are assaulted by the sound of phonecalls and the tapping of keyboards
And you feel yourself shrinking, contracting, trying block it all out,
And you wonder why you can’t concentrate,
And your mind runs around on the same old wheels, dreaming of a way out.
–
When others around you are beavering away
Seemingly oblivious to the distractions and ugliness,
And you wonder what is wrong with you and why you don’t fit in
And how on earth you can cope with this for another 30 years.
–
When you sit in a room with 50 people, but barely have a conversation for fear of creating too much noise,
And you feel trapped in a cage,
And you think you must be too sensitive, not good enough, not trying hard enough,
Just remember, escape is possible.
–
You’ve got the open plan office blues.
–
(Yes, I’ve been there, and yes, I did escape!)
Here, in this moment,
Stop and feel what it might mean to relax.
To allow the heaviness of your leg to reveal itself,
To sense the tension in your belly, and then feel it melt away.
So simple, and yet so difficult.
_
Let your awareness rest in your hands, wrists, elbows, shoulders.
Feel the living, breathing body that you are.
Become part of it, with all its tensions and imperfections,
Let it speak to you, tell you what it needs
Let your mind rest, just below your navel.
_
Breathe.
_
We are born knowing this, and we loose it
Chasing our minds into another place,
Losing ourselves, body clothed in
Fear. Tension. Armour.
_
Breathe.
_
Back to the beginning.
Here in this moment,
Relax.
Life in the Fresh Air 